greetingz. welcome to the most uneventful part of . i'm the reverend. i'm a poet, and i have a shytload of good poetry you can read . i have also recently started posting my own high rezolution desktop wallpaperz. i also love to post my desktop screenshots. be aware, though, i spell deviously. thanks for viziting.



42 How old were you when you first began drinking alcohol? first time i drank, i waz 18. i waz hanging out with some stupid little juvenile hoodrats around that time. why? they were the only people in my neighborhood to talk to, and i didn't have a car or money. other than that, i really didn't like them. i waz the oldest, and most mature in that group, and i waz the only metalhead who didn't listen to rap. but they smoked pot, i smoked pot, so we hung out together. bad choice. me and one of the hoodrats, named 'earz', cauze he had big earz, stole two big bottlez of jack daniel'z from some store, and brought them back to the 'hangout', and by the time we got there, no one else waz there, so we drank az much az we could handle, which wazn't very much, and left the bottlez there, and rode a bike home. i drove the bike, while earz sat on the handlebarz. try doing that while you're drunk off your ass, for the first time. it waz actually quite phun, we kept laffing. but i couldn't drive the bike for shyt, especially with dude sitting infront of me, on the handlebarz. i suppoze if we were sober, it might not have been so much phun. i've never really cared for alcohol, it takes like shyt, and the high iz more like a low, you can't think straight, phuk, you can't even see straight. you get really stupid, and then you puke. who the phuk, what asshole in hiz right mind would chooze that drug to legalize? the government, obviously, cauze they want to stupify people az much az possible. not to mention killing people. let's legalize a drug that, when mixed with a car, can kill thouzandz of people a year. that's smart. whoever thought that bullshyt up, must have been drunk while doing so. moron. oh, but let's make pot illegal, cauze we sure don't want people thinking for themselvez, and waking up. if i had chozen to legalize a drug, it sure wouldn't have been alcohol. there'z better drugz, and better drugz for you, that's a fact, you may stop your internal dialogue. 'but alcohol'z an acceptable form of social interaction, which, for thouzandz of yearz, haz been the norm, under which people have congregated and formed socialist clicks'... shut the phuk up. you're wrong, get over it. pot iz a better drug than alcohol, fact, and i'll prove it to you. you're at a ballgame or a concert, and someone'z really violent, aggressive, and obnoxious, are they drunk, or are they smoking pot? drunk. the one and only correct answer, tell them what they won, johnny. i have never seen people on pot get in a fight, cauze it iz phuking impossible. 'hey, buddy!'. 'hey, what?'. argument's over. alcohol iz a very stupid drug. How much did you drink? you mean, the first time i drank? or the whole time i drank? well, whatever. the first time, i drank about half a bottle of jack. What kind of alcohol? uh... jack. why would you ask two separate questionz for that? do you think i'm just gonna answer the first question with, 'i drank half a bottle... of what? jack'. Do you think you had a problem with drinking? yeah, problem iz, i couldn't buy enuph alcohol. haha. no, i didn't have a drinking problem, and i never will. az i said before, it tastes like shyt, it's too expensive, and it's a stupid drug that makes you stupid. why any moron would spend half their paycheck on alcohol iz beyond me. why any moron would ruin their life with alcohol, in the million wayz you can ruin your life with alcohol in this world, iz also beyond me. Have you ever been arrested for being intoxicated in public or for drunk driving? you should hear ron white's story about being 'drunk in publik'. it's hilarious. standup comedy could make this world a better place, if more people listened to it. so could metal. but the media caterz to rap, and alcohol, so this world'z going to hell. let's all get drunk and listen to rap, and go out and get in fights and kill people, yeah.

43 What kind of drugs have you used? started with pot, of course, and no, it's not a gateway drug, no more than dropping out of skool iz a gateway to being a moron. alcohol iz more of a gateway drug, cauze it's legal. i started with pot when i waz about 14. then alcohol when i waz 18, then acid when i waz 18, then cocaine when i waz 18 or 19. by the way, coke sucks. i waz born mellow, i like to stay mellow, pot helps with that, coke... sucks. az do all 'upper' drugz. puppy upperz and doggy downerz. anywayz, i've only done coke about 20 timez in my life, and the last time i did it, i waz about 19 or 20, and i discovered it just wazn't for me. didn't take me that long. of course, the first 19 timez i did it, i only did a little bit, not enuph to get high. the last time i did it, i did a shytload, and stayed up all night, talking and talking, and talking... yech. where waz i. i did meth once, and that's about a retarded drug. this dude i did it with, a neighbor of mine, would sit and smoke a shytload of meth, and then snort some meth, and then he'd pass out on hiz couch. what a moron. anywayz, and then i did lsd when i waz... well... it waz the night before my 21st birthday. that shyt flipped my lid. but it waz a good thing. i wouldn't be where i am today without that trip. i'm àwâké. evølved. conscious. intelligent. aaaand... i think that's all the drugz i've done. if i weren't on probation, i would still like the occazional mike's hard lemonade, but whatever. How old were when you first started using drugs? uh... again, dude, i already answered that question. whoever wrote this damn thing needz to go back to skool. How often would you use drugs? well, that dependz on what drugz you're asking about. i uzed to smoke pot every day, especially when i had some. What were your favorite drugs? pot! legalize it! that, and any hallucinogenz. Do you think you had a problem with drug use? phuk no. it's other people who have the problemz, like sober people, who think pot should be illegal, they have the problem. they have to convince themselvez everyday of their socalled 'reazonz' for pot to stay illegal. they're the onez with the problemz. if pot were legal, there wouldn't be a problem. if theze idiots would listen to bill hicks, then legalizing pot would be eazy. Have you ever been arrested for possession or sale of drugs? phuk no. i'm not an idiot. have you ever watched the show 'cops'? thoze people are phuking retarded moronz, who dezerve to get caught. they're trailertrash crackheadz, with no brainz. they're just az stupid az the cops who stick their handz in theze idiots' pockets, and get stabbed with an aidz infected needle, they dezerve to get aidz. don't trust the police.

44 Have you ever had blackouts from using drugs or alcohol? ha. once. i drank way too much one night, at a bar. i blacked out. apparently, at some point, i waz seen out in back of the bar, making out with some girl. i don't remember that at all. how i got there, i wish i knew, cauze apparently when i'm that drunk, and have blacked out, i become a studmuffin, and can get strange women to make out with me. that never happenz when i'm sober. when i got home that night, my girlfriend at the time, had to get me from the car, to my bedroom. she came around and opened my door, and i fell out of the car, landed on the ground, and puked in my hair. she helped me up, and walked me to the front door, unlocked the door, and dropped me on the floor, right inside the door, and left me there, while she went into the kitchen to make herself a tomato soup. now, first of all, tomato soup sucks wang. secondly, if it were me helping someone in, i would make sure they got all the way to their bed, and put a trashcan next to their bed, before i cooked a tomato phukin soup. she just left me there on the floor, while she cooked, and ate, a tomato phukin soup. stupid bitch. when she waz done, she grabbed my handz, and dragged me into my bedroom. apparently, i waz so drunk, that while i waz dragging down the hallway, i waz saying 'yeah, drag me'. woOoOo. anywayz, what waz the question? scrolling up... oh yeah, well, i think i've answered it. Have you ever had times that you could not remember where you were, what you did, or how you got home? yeah, sure. if you haven't had that kind of experience, then you obviously haven't done enuph drugz. i can't wait to see the movie, 'the hangover'. that soundz like a good phukin time. it's a good thing to share that experience with other memberz of the human race, cauze not much else in this world can bring people together like that. people can alwayz sympathize with you for that.

45 Have you ever thought that you had a problem with some other compulsive-type behavior… like gambling, spending, working, eating, exercising, cleaning, etc? oh gawd. i hate questionz like that. just with my flashing. people who gamble are phuking retarded, and dezerve to loze all their money, and phuking dezerve to get killed by the people who they lost their money to. that's about the dumbest addiction there iz. 'i'm addicted to lozing all my money', yeah, you don't dezerve to have any phuking money. moron. instead of giving all your money to a phuking casino, who already haz millionz, why not give it to someone who needz it, and can uze it wizely, like me. you phukin dolt. never in my life, will i ever, ever, go anywhere near a phuking casino. not even to rob it or blow it the phuk up. by the way, that's my porn name, rob banks. haha. anywayz. spending, no. people who spend are retardz. just watch the movie, 'confessionz of a shopaholik'. working, no. anyone who iz addicted to their job needz to be shot. there'z more to life than work. that's another stupid addiction. anyone who'z addicted to any of this shyt iz a phuking retarded assmaggot. eating, no. also stupid. exercizing, no. also stupid. cleaning, no. another waste of phuking time. this world iz so full of so many retarded cattle who need to die. az ron white would say, 'you can't fix stupid'.

i think i'm done. but i'll leave you with a quote from an offspring song, called 'bad habit'. driverz are rude, such attitudez, but when i show my piece, complaints cease, somethin'z odd, i pheel like i'm god, you stupid, dumbshyt, goddamn mutherphuker!!! that sure gets the lead out, don't it? just scream it next time you're driving down the road and some asshole cuts you off. you know what jeffrey dahmer doez when someone cuts him off in traffik? he flips them a finger. jeffrey dahmer had hiz mother over for dinner one night, and before he brought the food to the table, she said, 'you know, i really don't like thoze neighborz of yourz', and he said, 'that's ok, just eat the salad'. ha. i guess, since he'z dead, thoze aren't az phunny anymore, but whatever, i still like them. one night, when i waz hanging out with chilmarc, we were driving around, and a few of us were in the back of this truck, and we're all stoned out of our headz, and someone had the idea to tell just the punchlinez of some good jokes. good timez.

greetingz. welcome to the most uneventful part of . i'm the reverend. i'm a poet, and i have a shytload of good poetry you can read . i have also recently started posting my own high rezolution desktop wallpaperz. i also love to post my desktop screenshots. be aware, though, i spell deviously. thanks for viziting.



the newz: well, in the real world, the hero never prevailz. the evil, heartless shellz do. but there'z still hope. the guessing game cuntinuez still. it's not over. my stomach iz in knots. my thoughts are spinning, and i'm very conphuzed. but there'z still hope. we're hoping that someone will act human, and have a heart. my thoughts go out to the spirits. my tearz go down to the earth. i will write more later. goodnight.

this iz extremely interesting... [link]

greetingz. welcome to the most uneventful part of . i'm the reverend. i'm a poet, and i have a shytload of good poetry you can read . i have also recently started posting my own high rezolution desktop wallpaperz. i also love to post my desktop screenshots. be aware, though, i spell deviously. thanks for viziting.



the newz: my computer should be fixed on thurzday, so i can get all my filez back in place, and skin my computer again. there are some other thingz i'd like to say, but i can't. i should come back to da sometime in december. my friend andy came out here, and i got to spend some time with him. i'm still doing the bio thing for my therapy. and az alwayz, i'm posting it here, cauze... well, hell... someone'z gotta laff at this stoopidity. so, here it iz. till next time, kidz...

my bio, part three a: adulthood

one. in what sort of dwelling do you currently live. i finally live in a nice house, but with every good thing that happenz to me, it alwayz haz to be tainted with a bunch of bad shyt. i live way the phuk out in vail, with my mother and grandmother. my grandmother tried to get a loan to get this house, and only got about half of what she wanted. so she added me onto the loan, and got enuph to get this house. so this house should be half mine. not in her perfect little world. when she diez, she'z probly going to leave this house to my uncle, and leave me and my mother out on the street. she'z really that evil. cold, careless, heartless. she'll never even admit that it waz my half of the loan that got her this house. with whom do you live. your questionz are set up really stupidly. i already answered that. i live with my mother, grandmother, and now bobbi. i would like my children to live here too, but i'm sure other dickheadz will see about that. i don't understand why life can't be just a little eazier. when i make my muzik, i'm moving the phuk out of this cuntry, and getting a nice house, where i can be left alone. what would you like to change about where and how you live. again, i already answered that. i don't know what i would change at the moment, i'm too angry and conphuzed to think about that. i'm just waiting for the phuture when grandma izn't around anymore, and mom and i can decide how we want to live. i'm waiting for my children to live here. but i'm sure there are many people who want to phuk that up, and see fit to decide how i should live my life. phuk thoze assholez. phuk this cuntry. phuk this world. i want out. 'give me cuntrol over someone else'z life, cauze i've lost cuntrol of mine' (me).

two. what skooling or training were you involved in beyond highskool. i don't understand what you're asking, or why. i didn't really do anything important. nuthing that would benefit me in any way. how did you like it, and how did you do in it. you've really gotta rethunkie your questionz. (update: after highskool, i went thru alot of selftraining, learning thingz that i waz actually interested in, unlike skool. i read some books, i taught myself how to uze a computer, discovered tool, machine head, devin townzend, and other bandz i like, read their lyriks, learned what they were talking about, took some acid, opened my brain up, abzorbed some universal knowledge, started writing poetry, learned about myself, redefined myself, and changed my perception of this world. shyt like that. i encourage you to do the same).

three. what kind of jobz have you had. at pizza hut, i waz a cook. at convergys, i sold at&t, over the phone, to old people who didn't even know what their phone waz. at aohell, i waz tech support, and then dsl tech support, and i waz damn good at my job. i've alwayz done a better job than everyone else, but never got any recognition for it. a few timez, i got fired becauze of it. for how long. well, the longest i've ever kept a job waz for six months. how did you like them. i waz 'internalized', i waz mindcuntrolled into thinking that it waz important, and that i should do a good job. it waz all a game. a joke. ever since then, i have seen everyone else that's cuntrolled by their jobz, to think that it matterz what they do, and that it's part of their livez. i've seen people waste their livez away, doing what some asshole tellz them to do, just so they can make enuph money to put food on their familiez (yes, a bush phukup). i've seen children develop mental problemz from never seeing their parents, cauze the parents are working all day, and the children are in skool all day, and they're both leading mizerable livez, doing what some asshole tellz them to do. this system iz dezigned to tear familiez apart in a myriad of wayz, and most people don't see it, they just go along with it, and do what they're told. how did you like them. well, again, i've already answered that. when i waz working for some place, i waz cuntrolled into thinking that i liked it, but when i got fired, i realized that i hated it the whole time, and that i had to give up many of my core beliefs, just to get the job in the first place. so, how doez it pheel to sell your soul? you tell me.

four. what would you like to do for work, if you could do whatever you wanted. first of all, if it waz what i wanted to do, it wouldn't be 'work', would it? secondly, i think you already know that by now. i want to be a rockstar, among other thingz. i want to do nuthing but answer to my talents. i want to do something that's actually important, and that could change the world. not just waste my life away doing nuthing. i think i'm done for now. goodnight, world of sleep.

my bio, part three b:

36 Were you in military service? Why did you select the branch of service that you did? How old were you when you enlisted? What was the best part of being in the military? What was the worst part of being in the military? first of all, how many phuking questionz do you have to ask all at once? don't you think that's a little ridiculous? this iz like taking a test. no, i waz never in the military, nor would i ever be. i cannot describe to you how much i despize the military. i hate the government, i hate the military, i hate war, i hate money, i hate fighting, i loathe everyphukingthing the government standz for. i hate this cuntry. secondly, what the phuk doez being in the military, have to do with anything about my therapy, or my offense? if i killed innocent women and children, in the name of religion, would that make me insane enuph to commit my offense? i'm sure it would. yeah. do what you're told, so we can phuk your life up good. no, sorry, i see thingz differently. i am not a criminal. every single person in the military or government, are the criminalz. and another thing, what's with calling it the ' private sector'? they make it sound like the ' private sector' iz smaller than the military. but yeah, that's their way of thinking. they're insane, they're completely phuked in the head, and they try to brainwash us, and mind cuntrol us, into thinking like them. phuk that. i am proud to be a man against them. alwayz will be.

37 Who are your best friends since you have become an adult? Why are they your best friends? memoirz of an antisocial man. my friendz consist of bobbi and andy. they are my friendz becauze they are intelligent and artistik. i've never had a best friend. all thru highskool, everyone had their best friendz. it waz alwayz brad and booboo, tara and nannette... and then there waz me. just me. honestly, i think the whole 'best friendz' concept iz an illuzion. i think it's more like what tyler durden sayz in fight club. 'they're all single serving friendz'. in tyler we trust.

38 Do you have friends of the opposite sex? like i said, bobbi iz my friend. you've really gotta rethunker your questionz, dude.

39 What activities do you like to do in a social setting? Do you belong to any clubs or organizations? nope. well, c.o.c.k., the 'citizenz offering crucial knowledge'. hehe. and the ozztek unimind collective. the aquarian age skool for higher learning. someday, theze will be actual organizationz, created by me. what activitiez do i like to do? talk. that's about it. i'm an excellent talker. put me in a mensa meeting, i can hold my own anytime. i think i'm done for now. goodnight, world of sleep.

my bio, part three c:

40 What activities do you like to do when you are alone? you have such a dirty mind. pervert. i like to sit on my computer, which i haven't been doing much at all, lately, for several reazonz. i like to watch moviez that aren't retarded. i have my muzik playing twentyfourseven. i like to smoke cigarettes. when i'm out of the house, i don't really like to be alone. cauze when i'm alone, the weirdest phuking shyt happenz to me. i encounter the dumbest people, or just weird ass shyt. the other day, i waz standing in line at fry'z to get a prescription for bobbi, and this short little ninety year old man, all bent over, with a cane and a big hunch on hiz back, comez up and standz right beside me, and just keeps looking me up and down, and staring at me, for like two or three minutes, and doezn't say anything, and then walks away. what the phuk? do i have green phuking skin or something? have you never seen a trenchcoat before? what the phuk? why me? the weirdest shyt happenz to me whenever i'm alone. i guess cauze there'z no one else there to witness it, and if i tried to tell someone, they would think i waz making it up. like that old dude, who the phuk iz gonna believe that? phukin i don't even believe it. and i thought this would be a good planet to spend my next life on, boy waz i wrong. What are some of your hobbies, or other interests? didn't i already answer that? were theze questionz written by a phukin marmoset or something? i like muzik. more specifikally, metamuzikal alienmetal. i like skinning my computer. and no, that doezn't mean what you think. it doez not put lotion on its skin. i like writing. i like smoking. i like watching good moviez. i like being left alone. i like sleeping. i like having a computer that works, so that my brain works right. i like answering theze stupid questionz.

41 What would you like to change about your friends or your friendships? i picture being backstage at a concert, talking with my bandmates, joking about the girl with big tits flashing us. i imagine a couple cute girlz in short skirts walking by, and one of them wavez at me. my bassist pullz out hiz (again, your dirty mind) bass, and starts playing ' play that phunky muzik, white boy'. then, i imagine being home, and having a bæutiphul girlfriend, who lovez me unconditionally, and doezn't care about how much money i make. and my daughter, rayne, comez running up to me, saying 'daddy, daddy'. maybe a neighbor, who bringz over a case of mike's hard lemonade, and a dvd of some hilarious movie i haven't seen yet. how doez that sound? i'm done for now, homefry.

greetingz. welcome to the most uneventful part of . i'm the reverend. i'm a poet, and i have a shytload of good poetry you can read . i have also recently started posting my own high rezolution desktop wallpaperz. i also love to post my desktop screenshots. be aware, though, i spell deviously. thanks for viziting.



'hey jezus, won't you drop your healing blood, from your wrists, down onto me'.
'but this life waz so sincere, what the phuk am i doing here?'.

the newz: i hate posting small journalz, but that's really all i can do for now, cauze vulturez are circling my body... i mean... fascist nazi scumphuks are watching my page.

so this iz just a short note to say two thingz...

one. i'm sorry i haven't been doing much on da for a while, and probly won't be doing much for a little while longer. there'z a couple thingz that have been discouraging me from being on da. one iz, i can't write anything, cauze people are reading my shyt who i don't want to read my shyt. and two, i got a really shytty comment that i have yet to respond to, but when i do, i will post it in this journal.

two. i'm turning thirtyone on september twentysix. with every birthday that passez, i still cannot believe i'm still alive. i sometimez tell people, i should've died when i waz twentythree. i waz so depressed that year. but i survived, and i'm still here. and now i have two bæutiphul children. so, ever since then, i've been calling it my 'blue september'. it's a very special day for me.

there are quite a few thingz that i wish i could say here, but i can't. so, i'll paste in here a couple little thoughts i wrote, about a month ago.

i waz watching this movie, called 'van wilder, freshman year'. it waz a bit of a kick in the military'z tiny nuts. especially knowing that the first name of most of the military men in my family iz 'wilder'. i phuking hate that name. so, you should watch this movie. anywayz, i had a thought, while watching it. in the movie, this college girl iz sitting down having dinner in a restaurant with her military father, who'z father waz in the military. they alwayz love to bark about tradition, cauze they're afraid to break the mold, or take a different path. anywayz, he wanted hiz son to be in the military, but he had a daughter, so he wanted her to be a military man. what a phuking pig. first, he asked her if she liked skool, and she started answering him, and he interrupts her, like they alwayz do, cauze they don't give a shyt how you're doing, they just ask cauze it's small talk, and they don't know how to talk 'big', unless it's about war, or rulez, or tradition, or discipline. same old shyt. every military man in my family waz the exact same way. they ask how you're doing, and when you start answering, they cut you off. anywayz, a minute later, this other military man (the dean of the college) walks up to their table, and sayz something, and the father answered, 'well, hopefully she'll climb a bit higher up the ladder than i did'. and that got me thinking. (what doezn't?). van wilder, in this movie, said 'tradition iz something that keeps greeting card companiez in buziness'. well, i took it a little further. tradition iz what keeps the military around, and keeps old people in cuntrol of the rest of us. it's what makes us obey thoze old fascists. 'respect your elderz'. obey your parents, your grandparents, and be like them, and join the army, and climb the 'ladder'. well, if you haven't yet noticed, some of us have been rebelling for a while now. we're getting tired of 'tradition', we're getting syck of the military, and doing the same thing every generation. we're starting to see what's wrong with this picture. so i'm saying you've gotta break the mold. phuk your parents, phuk your grandparents, phuk the rulez, and phuk tradition. start walking your own path. turn around, and walk the other way, in many different wayz. leave them behind, leave your old life behind, and start doing something no one else haz ever done. phuk the military. phuk order. that's what i'm teaching my kidz. don't listen to authority figurez, cauze they're alwayz wrong. don't do what your grandparents did, or what they tell you to do. 'children are suppozed to be seen and not heard'. phuk that. 'don't do what i do, but what i tell you to do'. ever heard that before? that meanz they're ashamed of what they're doing, and they want you to do the same thing, but without all the mistakes they made. what they don't want you to know, though, iz, they made the same mistakes their parents made. they joined the army. they know, deep down inside, that it waz a big mistake, but they're afraid of anything else, they're afraid to do anything different. they're afraid of alot of shyt, cauze they're too dumb to see anything new, or to think for themselvez, they're scared of the people who they allow to have authority over them. and the only way to 'climb the ladder', to have less people with authority over them, iz to do what they're told by thoze people. phuk authority. phuk tradition. and phuk all theze fearful moronz. 'ooh, i better not disobey, cauze god will strike me with lightning'. if their god waz really that vengeful, this world would've been obliterated æonz ago. but it's their ancestor'z liez that keep them fearful of god. like sodom and gomorrah, or noah'z ark, all thoze storiez about god'z wrath, written by men with the dezire for authority, and the dezire to keep everyone scared, and doing what they're told. that's why religion and the military go so well together. they're both stuck on tradition. doing the same thing, generation after generation, to keep humanity from evolving. so tell your parents to go phuk themselvez, and start thinking for yourself. pave your own path, with your dreamz and hopes. give birth to an urge and dezire to do something completely different. and soon this hierarchy will crumble and fall. ' praize the lord and pass the ammunition'. 'grab your gunz and your biblez, gentlemen, and let's go kill some people who believe differently than us'. something iz terribly wrong with that way of thinking. it's not really even 'thinking', it's complete blindness and ignorance. and people believe this shyt so desperately, that they'll kill anyone who triez to change their mindz. so, we have to realize that they're hopeless, they're lost cauzez, and we just have to worry about ourselvez, and keep ourselvez alive and evolving, and teach our children to think for themselvez, and allow them to evolve. we wish that we could burn the ladder, and let everyone on the ladder fall back to reality, but, sadly, it doezn't work that way. we just have to leave them behind, and walk away.

also... i waz watching a video about machine head on youtube, and someone commented on it, and said, 'yuh fuck the emo bands!' (first of all, they can't spell for shyt, what's 'yuh'???). now, i've heard the term 'emo' before, and to my understanding, it meanz 'emotional'. uh... so... we're not suppozed to be emotional? humanz aren't suppozed to be emotional? emotionz are a bad thing? we're just suppozed to be shiny happy people? calm, complacent, docile cattle? robots without emotionz? iz that it? iz this some 'movement' the government started? since when iz being emotional a bad thing? i must have missed a meeting. i can picture all theze dumb, robotik cowardz walking around, afraid to show any emotionz, becauze they might be made phun of. if you're that scared of what people think of you, maybe you should put a gun in your mouth and become a real pussy, instead of being a fake coward all your life. what the phuk iz wrong with theze people? (i'll finish this thought later).

so, thank you for being patient with me. they can't get rid of me that eazily. i'm still alive.

update: read this artikle. it's very clear to me that the makerz of computerz are still catering to moronz that, still, and we're almost in 2010, have no clue how to uze their computerz (like when haven't they catered to moronz?). "Their wide-screen formats are also ideal for watching high-definition television and DVD movies"... well, if that's all you're doing on a computer, then you don't dezerve to have a phuking computer. if you still don't even know what the windowz explorer (not internet explorer) iz, then give your computer to someone who can really uze it. if all you're doing iz playing gamez and watching moviez, you're a moron. learn something.

in other newz: i'm still alive. i've got three poemz now that have yet to be posted, 'headwound', 'from the crevice of a broken heart', and 'silk lined hell'. when i finally post theze, you'll know that we're ok. i'm still being discouraged from going on da, but the tape on my mouth iz quickly being chewed thru. i finally replied to some comments and favz, but i still haven't even read the bad comment yet, but i intend to sometime soon, and i'll post it here. for now, though, just understand that the writer of that comment iz really that far up hiz own ass. i'm also becoming a cardcarrying member of bill hicks' ' people who hate people' party. so, pleaze, be patient with me. you'll soon see the return of the most furious mutherphuker to ever walk this planet. dimebag uzed to have a hat that said 'warhead' on it. i alwayz thought that waz very appropriate. so, i want to have someone sew that onto my beanie. god'z scizzorz are slowly cutting the stringz above me. let's just hope it's not hiz cruel joke. only the strong survive.

update: i have two more poemz to post here when the air clearz. 'dear god', and 'cauze i never cared'. if you would like to read any of theze poemz, just send me a note. if you are concerned about what's going on, note me. if you are fighting cps, or know someone who iz, note me. have a groovy day.

greetingz. welcome to the most uneventful part of . i'm the reverend. i'm a poet, and i have a shytload of good poetry you can read . i have also recently started posting my own high rezolution desktop wallpaperz. i also love to post my desktop screenshots. be aware, though, i spell deviously. thanks for viziting.



the newz: they're trying to take away my freedom of speech, and telling me that i can't write what i want to write. not only are they discriminating against me, but they're being flat out prejudice. they don't have one good reazon. i'm not going to loze what i care most about in this world, becauze some psycho nazi fascist phuk haz it out for me, cauze i have long hair, and wear black. johnny phuking cash wore black. christ had long hair. if you believe in god, then why do you pheel that you have the authority to phuk up what god created? are you really that righteous? i don't phuking think so. so shove this up your ass.

so, to thoze who watch me, i don't think i'll be saying much for a while, since i've got phuking tape over my mouth now.

anywayz, since this iz such a short journal, and since it will be up for a while, here are some good poemz of mine.

neverwhere

would you reach inside, take another'z pain
provide emotional sustenance, a gravity of pheeling
to confront that black hole, a spiral into nothingness
i'm obviously not meant to say this, cauze if i could
this planet would accomodate me, comphort me
but i'm left empty, just sitting infront of the tv
just vizit me, listen to me, and i'll tell you a story
hopeless, helpless, empty, just run away and scream
i am your phear, you cannot conceive me, you can only believe me
just give me your life, and i'll show you why i care
let me play your spine like a shivering instrument
i'm not offering my pain for your pleazure
but if you held my heart, you could pheel me
if you ate my soul, you could abzorb me
you could pheel, first hand, what i've been screaming
if you can't pay me, then you can't play me
play my backbone like a xylophone
bring my pain out of me like the muzik we hear
pressure your strength, dig like a man
beat your drumz with your hearts in your fists
it's not a show till you bleed all over the stage
(i don't regret it, i just don't get it)
you tell me your life iz worthless without me
so phuking reach out and touch me
let the great sun have the last word
just stand there, playing your muzik for the rayne
---

internalized

i've been internalized and desensitized
gone where everything diez
i've been kicked out and forced down
read between the liez
but all i can do iz internalize myself
desensitize myself, and force it all down inside me
force myself down, beneath it all
and the stench of self pity iz drowning me, killing me
but all i can do iz force myself to stop caring
to grow numb to all that waz special to me
stop thinking, stop seeking the truth
build an army and destroy it all
if only just for me
with this grey god of yourz
high above me, suffocating me
with this grey sky of yourz
all around me, suffocating me
i wish i could split myself in two
if it would help get rid of you
standing in the rayne, on a jupiter moon
wondering why everything seemz so blue
i'm lost. i'm coming home.
---

legal drugz kill

unheard in all the hearingz
overflowing with pheelingz
something inside me wants to take a chance
i never wanted to see them die
until i heard the greatest lie
something inside me wants to make a stand
the energy iz overwhelming
carry me to the homecoming

there'z a pill to make you better
there'z a pill to make you worse
there'z a pill for phuking everything
which pill will put you in a hearse

all theze drugz giving me synthætik head
one of theze dayz i'll wake up dead

i can give you a pill, but i can't fix your head
i can give you legal drugz, but i can't give you hugz
i can't love you, i just want you to think like everyone else
i can't help you, but i can give you what sellz

they've got a pill for everything
but they outlaw pot and mushroomz
they've got drugz for everyone
and people filling up hospital roomz

give me a pill for this synthætik head
i don't phuking trust you, alive, or dead
pot's the only thing that clearz my head
but you'll deny that till you're dead

get me off theze pillz and out of this psych ward
give me some acid to get rid of you
i'm the king with the bloody sword
and i know what you're trying to do
you just want to numb the world
so they'll all listen to you
the time for the new hitler will unfurl

what givez you the right to numb me, blind me, dumb me, kindly
shut up and take your pillz
we don't want to hear what you have to say
we don't care to which gød you pray
all we care to know iz that your god iz wrong, cauze you're insane

give me your drugz
take me away
i just don't care
theze gamez you play
give me my pot
my mushroomz
my acid, my lsd
my dmt, my peyote
my ayahuasca to see clearly
god'z 3volution acceleratorz
the 3arth's little 3ye openerz

shut up and take your pillz
we don't care what you say
theze drugz will treat your illz
but az for a cure... just pray

all the pretty girlz, you'll never meet
they just sit you in the retard seat
with the dunce dance party hat on
laffing az they sing you a song
comparing you to insane people
who watch murder showz on tv
they just stick you in a hospital
shove drugz down your throat
call you namez, cauze you're a weirdo
too weird for their society, their 'norm'
your hair'z too long, you'll never conform
so they just write you off, az a lost cauze
force you to lie to them, and break their lawz
so they can really phuk your life up good

rock me to sleep, cry me to sleep
hold my hand, while i weep
just don't leave me

they don't care
i don't know where i am
just take me home
tell me everything will be alright

i can't take anymore of this synthætik head
my only wish, to wake up dead
if i only knew, it's just a game
then one day, i'd wake up sane
just don't worry, my child
soon, they'll all know what it's like

timez change, but i'm still just az strange
i evolve, but everyday, there'z a new problem to solve
some may say i've given myself away
you must understand, there iz no other way

shamefully addicted me
cloze my 3yez, and learn to see
give me free, or give me dumb
just don't give me poverty

pleaze, god, listen to me
i want you to see what i see
i just want to live and die
behold the mysteriez in my 3ye
get me out of here, take me home
get my alien ancestorz on the phone
help me to try and change this world
help us 3volve, so we can learn again
we need to wake up and live again
give us the ability to wake up and realize
that everything they told us waz all liez
so bring me the poor, az i take from the rich
and we'll see them disappear in their system'z glitch
---

update: my grandmother callz it 'filthy language'. bullshyt. it's adult language. i'm an adult. i can uze that language all i want. people who have something to say, uze that language, cauze it helps get the point across. when i waz in skool, and getting picked on, if i said 'buzz off, lozer', i would still be getting picked on. but instead, i said ' phuk off, asshole', and look at me now. more than capable of defending myself properly. and why do they call it 'strong language'? doez that mean all other language iz weak? yeah, that would be my concluzion. the first amendment didn't have any fine print on it. it didn't say, 'you can say whatever you want, az long az you don't uze strong language'. so stick your fist in the air with me, and say 'freedom of phuking speech'! spæk.

update: well, it looks like skinner iz no longer on da. that's depressing, but not az depressing az the fact that he will never skin again. this world haz gone to hell, and i'm the only one still here. i'm so syck of watching everything fall apart. people just don't give a phuk anymore. so why do i still care? i don't really know.

update: god, i phuking hate that guy with the BLARING MONOTONE VOICE THAT NEVER PHUKING SHUTS UP, THE POWER OF OXYCLEAN! god, he obviously never heard about the power of silence. christ, i'm glad he'z phuking dead. but they'll keep showing hiz commercialz for the next eighty phuking yearz nonstop. yelling at you to sell you a product when you're trying to phuking sleep. mutherphuker should be whispering at phuking four am. goddamnit. at least some of the stupid people are starting to die finally. they kill off john lennon, then they kill off bill hicks, and now, finally, that stupid oxyclean mutherphuker diez. good phuking riddence. now just kill hiz commercialz, and we'll all sleep a little better. phuk, man. i couldn't yell like that if you paid me. and apparently, they paid him to do that. what a phuking lozer. shut the phuk up and let me sleep, man. shyt. that's marketing and advertizing for you, 'let's scream at the top of our lungz and wake theze old people up, so they'll buy our product at four am'. if you're in marketing and advertizing, kill yourself. do us all a favour. rid the world of your evil phuking prezence. the power of shut the phuk up already. and what a phuking way to die, too. phigurez, a guy who couldn't lower hiz voice, would die from something stupid like a suitcase falling on hiz head.

update: i phuking hate gamez. video gamez and mind gamez. she'll find the dumbest game she could possibly find, and she'll sit there and play it for fifteen hourz straight, while you're sitting there waiting, wanting to talk to her. and the game iz alwayz so much more important than the person sitting there, waiting to talk to you. i phuking hate that about people. they alwayz get so immersed into whatever media addiction they're into, that they completely ignore you, cauze the game iz so much more important than you are. the tv show iz so much more important than you are. and it's alwayz the dumbest game or tv show ever in the history of humanity. and she watchez that phuking reality tv bullshyt. i cannot phuking stand that shyt. junk food for the brain. it's making people retarded, and they don't care, they just eat it up. it's like some tv executive iz sitting there, saying 'how can we make people retarded, what could we come up with that would kill brainz faster than crack'. and some retarded moron sayz 'reality showz. let's make a show about absolutely nuthing, and interview people getting pissed at eachother over nuthing, and put az much drama in it az possible, and dumb people will get addicted to it', and then they give this moron fifty million dollarz for hiz idea. what the phuk? why iz humanity getting dumber and dumber? i thought we were stuppozed to be evolving, but we're going backwardz. it makes no sense to me. the media iz killing our mindz, in an age when thinkerz should be a dime a dozen, and thinkerz are so phuking rare, that it's hard to find one. and all the thinkerz out there are killing themselvez, cauze they see some phuking reality show, and pheel themselvez lozing braincellz, and they put a knife to their wrists, in hopes of getting it to stop. we're killing our thinkerz, and making more stupid showz. this world iz dying quicker than our collective braincellz. bill hicks iz dead, and we can't get theze lozerz off our tvz? god, save me.